 I realized I hadn't shared where I got Soar Eternally Free from. So, story time!
I was trying to think of a name for myself and my EOL business - it seemed all the logical and good names where taken already. I just sat tossing names out and free associating for over an hour before I hit on Crow - crow - fly - crows soar.... Dumb... D'oh ... Christina *homer simpsons do'h* It took me way to long to figure this no brainer out and it made me laugh. When my brother died in 1997, we were at the funeral home getting things set up and it came to deciding what to put on the urn for his ashes. The usual, "RIP," or "forever in our hearts," did not fit my brother at all. I asked if it could wait for the moment and left it at that. Moments after he was cremated we all stepped outside for fresh air and I looked up over the crematory stack and saw several jets pluming as they flew by. From my angle it looked like they flew right through the smoke and I said something like, "Houston we have lift off," to sort of break the horrible grief and sobbing tears. We all laughed but the image of Tommy, Soaring Eternally Free stayed with me. I used it in my memorial speech for him and I also asked the funeral home to put that on his Urn. Now I use it whenever I express my condolences to someone who has had a loved one die. It is also how I see myself during my last breath on Earth. Paused on a high cliff, in the desert at sunset, waiting to Soar. So that is the story and it is why I am here. We may not want to talk about our last moments or last breaths but I think it is best to talk, to plan, to be ready ... to soar.
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 Oh, this book... I knew the outcome - and still, I sobbed at the end. His words just sang - they were poetry and prose and so beautiful.
I have been reading a lot about the end of life and how the body dies - I am always further studying to be the best death doula I can be. Books like, "Body of Work," by Christine Montross and "The Death Class," by Norma Bowe really helped open that topic up. Death seems to be relegated to the "do not discuss in polite society," arena and that is quite sad. If one does not look at death... how does one live? But I had only really been looking at that one side of it, the after the body dies, what happens part. Sam Parnia's AWARE studies totally grabbed my attention - you should look at his work with NDEs. I was fascinated by the whole thing. But it wasn't until I finished When Breath Becomes Air that it really hit me - the "how does one live" part - or even why does one live? To live a meaningful life. Paul Kalanithi lived one his entire life - always searching and always learning - and he put all that he learned into his book. He died before he could finish it - his wife did an excellent job in the afterword of giving the book and the life of Paul, closure, but even though he didn't "finish," it, his words and his emotions, told the story perfectly. What I kept coming back to over and over was what makes a life meaningful? And how do we live in a meaningful way? Some quotes from the book and there are so many good ones - you should read the book: “You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” “Human knowledge is never contained in one person. It grows from the relationships we create between each other and the world, and still it is never complete.” “There is a moment, a cusp, when the sum of gathered experience is worn down by the details of living. We are never so wise as when we live in this moment.” “Years ago, it had occurred to me that Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving.” When faced with his coming death - this is what was asked - in how he wanted to live and what his main focus would be in living during his illness - “What makes life meaningful enough to go on living?” He was a brilliant surgeon, did he want to continue that life as he dealt with his cancer - or was there another path he wanted to try? And when did he want to stop... at what point would he say this is enough? And then this: To his daughter, who was only months old when he died - “That message is simple: When you come to one of the many moments in life when you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more, but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.” I guess, for me, I needed to find something to bring meaning, not just to me, but to leave behind as a legacy. We all strive, but for what? To what end? What gives each of us a meaningful life? I think that is why we are here. To use this one life to find meaning and to make the world we share a better place.  Let me watch by the fire and remember my days
And it may be a trick of the firelight But the flickering pages that trouble my sight Is a book I'm afraid to write It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife And it's all there to see as the section reveals There's some sorrow in every life If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze Then I won't understand 'til the end of my days I'm still forced to remember, Remember the words of my life There are promises broken and promises kept Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess If I lose everything that I possess There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies. Though the pages are numbered I can't see where they lead For the end is a mystery no-one can read In the book of my life There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons There are pages of conflicts that nobody won And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat, There's a page where we fail to meet There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned There's a chapter on god that I don't understand There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see Though the pages are numbered I can't see where they lead For the end is a mystery no-one can read In the book of my life Now the daylight's returning And if one sentence is true All these pages are burning And all that's left is you Though the pages are numbered I can't see where they lead For the end is a mystery no-one can read In the book of my life Sting - Book of My Life  I cannot think of a better day to have completed the first part of my training and trying to come up with a succinct "elevator pitch," to share what I do with people.
Death isn't a medical event. Most people want to die at home and instead, end up in a hospital. Waiting to plan for a medical emergency in a medical emergency is never a good idea. Take the control now and plan the way you want things to be - don't leave it up to family who may be too distraught and confused to think clearly. That is one of the reasons I am here. I can help. ---------------------------------------------------- When is this day celebrated? April 20 What is Death Doula Day? The day is set aside for Death Doulas to engage their communities bringing awareness to the profession and benefits for patients and families. An End of Life Doula is a non-medical person trained to care for someone holistically (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) at the end of life. This day is created to raise awareness about the profession of Death Doulas and how they can benefit patients and families at end of life. Death Doulas provide the additional support that families need in order to feel comfortable with taking care of their dying loved one at home. They are non-medical professionals that provide holistic support for the dying and their loved ones before, during, and after death. Trained in the various end of life stages, a Doula is able to assist the family with understanding the natural processes while providing comfort and support. This is the day where all Death Doulas can rise together and be a voice for social change at end of life, ensuring everyone has he most positive passing possible. How should this day be celebrated or observed? On Death Doula Day we encourage the conversation about the profession of Death Doulas. This can be done anywhere in anyway. Have fun with it! Post/tweet/market/share, have a discussion panel, show a documentary, give a training, host a Death Café – Anything to do with end of life. I am in the process of creating a website for my End of Life Care business, Soar Eternally Free. I do already have an Instagram site soar_eternally_free but need to get the website logistics in order.
In the meantime I am always available here to answer any questions you may have concerning end of life care planning. A little about myself: I am an INELDA trained End of Life Doula. I came to this work after the death of my brother and realized it would have been so much easier had we had someone to help walk us through the steps of death care while we were in a fog of disbelief and mourning. I plan on specializing in helping Veteran's and families of Sudden or Unexpected Deaths. My brother committed suicide and I know how devastating this situation is and how trying to navigate everything on your own can be almost impossible. I also realized that too many people are underserved and should not have to die alone. I can help with advanced care planning - including advanced directives, vigil planning (how you want your last days to look and feel and sound like) and what medical treatments you may or may not want. I can also help with Legacy projects -a great way to help you and your loved ones create a lasting memory of your legacy for future generations. I also provide after-death grief work/reprocessing to the loved ones - this helps provide closure and a safe place to start the grief process. Planning for the End of Life can be daunting, but not something you want to leave for a medical emergency. Take the control now and decide how you want those days to be. |
What we do in life echoes in eternity
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